Life’s a bitch

It is perpetually frustrating that I’m still not changing fast enough to be what I want to be, to have a goal in sight while others are speeding way away. It’s like my best is other’s worst and that is one of the worst feeling to feel. It’s like being a rabbit with a carrot dangling in front of you but always never being able to eat that carrot. Life is like a fucking hard race with no end in sight yet I can’t stop running just to see what is on the life road.

Ideas at night

My creative juices usually start flowing at night. I will lie on my bed and start thinking about business ideas and will get excited just thinking what I can do with it and how can I actually go ahead with it. However, the next day when I wake up and share my ideas with people, it seems not viable at all. :s

This let me to deduce that actually my ideas dreamt up at night are fantastic but when lights are shone onto it, ideas are full of holes and not workable at all.

When the boyfriend starts telling me how his friend is earning some 3-5k easily per month from blog shops and asked me to starts one, it somehow gets on my nerves.  I am just not interested in opening a blog shops even though I see the appeal of it in the beginning. But now, am just now interested in it and him by constantly talking about “hah! People make so much money from it, you can also do it mah”, it feels like him telling me how good his friends are. Logically my mind tells me it’s my inferiority complex talking but still it feels like he’s comparing even though he’s not. Comparing often makes one feel uncomfortable.

Argh, my confidence level is still so low. :/

Been hearing too much of Ris Low jokes and it actually reminded me how bad my English and pronunciation is actually. Blah!

Limits

What is our limit? If we always say to push to our limits, then how do we determine what are our limits?

Let’s say if while exercising, we push our body hard, and how do we know what is our limit? Our heart will be beating real fast and tired, it will feel so good to stop but our mind will keep pushing saying 1 more minute, 1 more push up, 1 more road, 1 more km, 1 more lap and after that 1 more, we go for another, so how do we know when will it be time to slow down and stop? If we push it beyond our limits, it might cause our heart to stop by then it will be too late.

So how do we determine what are the limits in life? It’s like walking blindfold on a mountain where we might fall off any moment. It’s like an invisible boundary that one seldom reaches near but one that our weak body and mind keep thinking that it is the limit even though we are still far from it.

Or maybe there are no limits to everything. Because when we keep doing something, we gets better and we when we gets better, we perform better which in turns makes us be able to do what we could not in the first place. Its only when we stop becoming better, when we start thinking this is our limit then do we stop improving. So I think maybe there are no limits to anything at all.

Hear me

Who is talking to me right now? Am I hearing the voice of fear, or the voice of reality? Or are they both the same. I’m stepping out of the safe zone and into a territory that I’m not familiar with. Fearful yet excited.

Roads

I was in a cab when the thought that roads are amazing come to mind.

It bring you to places, a road here, a road there, leads you to surprising places, to home, to work, to everywhere and what a difference a road can make. It can make the travelling time much shorter.

Now must pass my father driving test before I can start driving on my own. Dad says my parking skills are unstable. Poles! I need poles!

Misc #7

Whole family is away in Malaysia leaving me home alone.  Being alone in the big house does not scare me, but being alone, alone is the worst.

Being alone leave me with lots of time thinking and again, thoughts of the future is terrifying as I’ve no idea where to go.

Mel has kindly invited me along for a spa treat this coming Tuesday and I can’t wait for it.

Chatting with aza makes me envious! I would love to be in his shoes.

McDonald new snack and munchies taste terrible.

My back was aching from washing my own clothes, I miss having a maid. Terribly reliant on the maid I know, but been having a maid since I was young and seldom do I have to wash my clothes, clean the house except for my own room, the maid leaving was bad. Hopefully the new maid will arrive soon.

Watched Confessions of a Shopaholic and it disappoint. Totally different from the books, but I like some of the stuff she wore. Sex in the City clothing is much better though, loud buy stylish.

Everybody Lies

 

“It’s a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies.”

Many people have said that I trust people too easily, yes I do. But only to things that I don’t think it’s really important. However if it comes to important things, there are not much people I trust. I lie too, I wonder if it possible to live a life without lies? White lies are lies too. It might be possible, but lies just make life easier.

 I wonder, will you, have you lie to me?

Marriage

Read an article about why there is not a need to get married anymore, and one famous celebrity example quoted is Johnny Depp who is not married with his partner but together they have 2kids. However I believed that a marriage is still important. It might be easier to walk away with no strings attached once problems arise but nothing is ever easy. To make things work, hard work is always required.  

“Remember tonight, for it is the beginning of always. A promise, like a reward for persisting through life so long alone. A belief in each other and the possibility of love. A decision to ignore simply rise above the pain in the past. A covenant, which at once binds two souls and yet severs prior ties. The celebration of the chance taken and the challenge that lies ahead. For two will always be stronger than one. Like a team braced against the tempests of the world. And love will always be the guiding force in our lives. For tonight is mere formality. Only an announcement to the world of feelings long held, promises made long ago in the sacred space in our hearts.”